I have been writing for decades, with words coming easily. When I first started I naïvely assumed that I would get a publisher and become famous immediately. For years I had people telling me that the things I’d written down and the stories I told at the drop of a hat were worthy of recognition and I started to believe them. As a youngster I had been published a couple of times through poetry competitions, with my work appearing in leather-bound poetry anthologies and once as a recording on a cassette tape (if you don’t know what that is ask your parents). I dreamt of jet setting all over the world, appearing on television and being the favourite author of children and adults everywhere. It didn’t happen. The dream crashed and burned before it had even begun. The rejection letters tore at my soul and I stopped.

I lived life, studied hard at school, college and then went to Huddersfield University to study English and Communication Arts. I worked in many different jobs and experienced happiness and sorrow. I moved to Belfast and went through many ups and many, many downs, without writing much at all. Eventually, I found true love and had a child and then the world came crashing down around me. In the midst of the utter disaster that was my love life, the words that I thought I had lost came back. I was writing again almost daily. Poems of torture and despair were flying out of me. Writing was my coping mechanism. The heartbreak I experienced influenced my writing and I received online recognition from BBC NI Showcase, a site that featured several of my poems. I had friends and colleagues asking me if they could read everything I’d written and the feedback I received was always positive.

Time went by and a lot happened. I moved from the hustle and bustle of Belfast to a sleepy, seaside town on the east coast of Yorkshire. A year passed and I retrained as a teaching assistant and began a working life in education. I was content and living day by day with my beautiful little girl. I knew that I wanted to write, but being a single working parent was hectic and I never found the time. That is, until I started storytelling at bedtime. Every night I would make up a new ‘Mommy story’ and I kept thinking, I need to write these down, but I never did. I knew that the stories I made up were nothing more than a bit of fun, but they ignited a flame again; the need to write came back and that was it. I started thinking about children’s stories and remembered some drawings I had done many years ago that I thought might be useful. I was never a great artist, but I always had a clear vision of what I thought my characters and settings should look like.

Time ticked on, many stories were told and in this time the love that I had lost came back and after a long time of trying, we were back on top. It was hard, but we were determined. My love supported and encouraged me to go after my dream, just as I supported and encouraged him. I spoke to the parents of my daughter’s school friends and judged whether there was a spot for me in the children’s author world. I spoke about it that much that I started writing again, with the hope that someone would pay attention.

That was it, as they say, whoever they are. I got private commissions, with word of mouth working brilliantly for me. We were a happy family, work was going well and then we had another little girl. I found myself awake throughout the night and in the early hours of the morning, breastfeeding my baby and coming up with new story ideas. I spoke to my love about sending work to publishers, but I was worried about being told I wasn’t good enough.

Then I discovered Kindle Direct Publishing with Amazon. I have always admitted to being a bit of a control freak and that’s really what spurred me on to self-publish. It was a steep learning curve and was extremely hard at first, but when had hard ever stopped me? I knew in my heart that it was what I wanted to do, so I struggled and finally figured it out and published my first book, The Creature of Llynlas Forest. I completed all of the illustrations for the book, using a simple character drawing I had done several years ago as inspiration, working on a drawing tablet bought by my love to make illustrating easier. Before the drawing tablet I had painstakingly drawn and coloured all of my private commission illustrations with crayons and felt-tip pens.

I’ve self-published another 12 children’s books since that first one, writing and illustrating each one. I have appeared at writing festivals and delivered Storytime, Craft and Writing Workshops in schools and museums. My books sell on Amazon and some are available for loan through East Riding Libraries. I have pushed and pushed to make Flower Guard Books a success and I hope that what I’m doing is working. It seems to be.

I’ve recently been asked to author a children’s trail, because of my Ruff’s Guide children’s travel guides. The plan is to start locally, with the (hopeful) idea that one day it might take off and spread across East Yorkshire, then Yorkshire and then who knows. I am not afraid of hard work and though I dread failure and rejection, I am persistent. I have two books in with big publishers and I have submitted my portfolio to an agent with the hope of taking Flower Guard Books to the next level. I will keep going as long as I have the words, and pictures, in my head.

I have to carry on, after all, I’ve just received a sweatshirt with my Flower Guard Books’ logo on it!

NB Since writing this blog I have received a ‘thanks but no thanks’ message from the agency I had submitted some work to. It was a lovely reply, wishing me success with my work and encouraging me to submit to other agents. A big disappointment, but it’s not the end of the world. Plus, we received news that the school I work in is getting an OFSTED inspection tomorrow and the next day, so you know, priorities!