I just typed that title, and as I did my brain immediately thought, that’s a good opener for a poem…I’ll save that for later.

For now, I’m here because I feel the need to vent.

I just posted a reel on Instagram with my weekly intentions, as I find that helps me keep focused as the week goes by, and then I went to check for some emails and in the process of doing that I re-read a cover letter I sent recently to an agency that I reeeeeeeaaaaaaally want to be involved with.

I read it back and thought, who is that? I genuinely don’t know what I was thinking when I typed it. It had absolutely zero percent of my personality in it.

I didn’t say that I’m a working mom of the three. I didn’t include information about my passion for writing children’s stories starting because of telling my firstborn stories at bedtime, then thinking about writing them down because she loved them so much. 

I failed to include the fact that in the early days, I wrote, illustrated, printed and bound children’s books for private commissions.

There was no information about how I work in education and have an in-depth understanding of phonics, literacy goals or the importance of promoting reading for pleasure and purpose.

I mentioned nothing about being a self-taught illustrator who strives for perfection, but sees failure in every thing I do because of impostor syndrome.

I honestly don’t know what I was thinking.

So now I’m stuck wondering…even if I’m seen or heard, am I worthy of being noticed if I can’t even sell myself as myself? I obviously felt at the time that pretending to be confident and almost stoic was the way forward, though I don’t understand why.

I do believe that the first three chapters of the story I submitted are solid and the illustrations have the right mix of cute and quirky.

I know that the idea I have about making the story accessible for all ages, from board book to picture book to chapter book, is a really strong selling point.

I truly think that The Trials and Tribulations of Terence Toetapper is my best work to date.

I suppose, having written this and now that I’ve expunged my annoyance, I can say that if the agency I’ve submitted to don’t want it because of my blurb, then I can rewrite that and send it to the next agency on my list, as it is worthy of attention even if I might not be.

Selling myself has never been a strength, I find it difficult to feel anything but inferiority and anxiety about how I’m perceived by others.

Maybe that’s why I hid myself behind my soulless, vanilla blurb.